super powers

i woke today to find i had super powers. i think that the powers entered me through a wound i sustained whi;e peeling prawns. how surprised i was to find my powers enabled me to offend just about evryone. from the closest friend to the guy in the street. so i set about my work. i called a friend at 2 am and demanded pills. i stole makeup from my grand mother. i stayed up all night watching jackie gleeson. what a rush. i said all the wrong things and didnt stop to pass go. i dont know how long it will last or who i can help. i could drive all night full of beer and still get to the finish line. i am only half of the man i was a year ago.